You have to like Tom Hackett. In an era when it is far easier to reply to an answer with a question, the Utah Utes punter out of Australia mystifies us with his blank, honest kung fu statements.
And just when you think Hackett has said everything he could possibly say that is shocking, there he goes again saying something else that literally drops you to the floor, laughing as he snaps up his second consecutive Ray Guy Award Thursday honoring college football’s best punter.
Wasn’t bad enough that Hackett has referred to a football as bacon, or that he came up with the catchy hashtag, #puntersarepeopletoo, or that he said he didn’t care last year about being on ESPN–all of which spread across the Internet like viruses spawned from Hackett’s love child and made little Tom Hackett babies from all walks of life.
So when the senior big daddy Hackett stepped to the podium looking like Fu Manchu with a slicked back fauxhawk and mustache and soul patch while ESPN’s evil corporate lights glared at him from on high, you half expected the Aussie to snap into a fighting stance and announce he was going to kick that ball up ESPN’s arse. Such is the life when you are now one of a handful of Australian celebrities making your grand entrance.
Who knows? Maybe ESPN was the wanker who stole Hackett’s beloved Subaru–then left cigarettes smoldering in its ashtray along with ski boots in some store parking lot nearby. You like going on that ski trip, mate? Huh? Huh?!? Did you enjoy yourself, ESPN, while you lapped it up in the life of luxury, chomping on some apres-ski hors’d’ouvres and sipping champagne in a hot tub at Snowbird while some blond attendant massages your feet?
But, nope. Hackett simply told ESPN reporter Chris Fowler the truth about why he made the switch from Aussie Rules Football to American football while he said thank you very much for his latest trophy. “The main reason I’m playing this sport right now is ’cause deep down, I’m fat, and I don’t like running very fast,” he said.
Funny, Hackett doesn’t look 300 pounds, but according to his latest bombshell statement he certainly acts it. In fact, his bio states he’s a trim 195 standing in at a generous 5-feet-11-inches. Far less than skier extraordinaire/alleged Subaru thief and Utes kicker, Andy Phillips. So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, ESPN.
Truth be told, Hackett wasn’t busting out of his sports coat at the awards ceremony–even if he punted out of his mind this season, blasting that slab of bacon at a career best 47.8 yard per kick clip. So when you’re kicking the pig that far, and you have one punt going a whopping 76 yards, well, you can say just about anything you want about ESPN or the world in general, mate. Good on ya.