For sheer stupidity, nothing can top 2015 in the state of Utah. It was literally a state of confusion, where one end did not have a freaking clue which way was up.
Just ask the idiots at the Orem Owlz who conjured up the bright idea that a Caucasian Heritage Night would be good family fun at the ballpark. You know, some mayonnaise sandwiches and a vertical leaping contest–nothing too out of the ordinary.
No way that anyone in this lifetime would ever get their feathers ruffled over that one, right? Try again. The PR guy literally got shipped off to whatever place he came from.
Actually, he took the first flight he could book out of Salt Lake City International and out of this place that could probably lynch him in an instant. For safety’s sake we won’t mention the guy’s name.
They still do execute morons here by firing squad, you know. At any rate, here are your top 5 Utah Sports morons of 2015. Bathe and bask in the glow of their misery.
5. Enes Kanter and his agent
This dude from Turkey was a real turkey this year, leaving Utah in the dust created from a jumbo jet floating out of, well, you know, the airport, before trash talking the team he played for–er, the Utah Jazz–to the point of no return. That another team called the Oklahoma City Thunder actually re-signed this guy for millions is merely a testament to Kanter and his wily Turkish agent, one Max Ergul.
Talk about giving his former college coach John Calipari a headache. Oh, wait. Kanter never actually played a game for Calipari–because he violated recruiting rules by playing pro in Turkey as a youth–and getting an agent. Oh, well, not everyone can do everything right.
Kanter certainly screwed some things up along the way, but he and Ergul are raking in dinero by the truckload. Besides absolutely scorching and destroying the bridge connecting Kanter to Utah for time and all eternity, leaving Temple Square and everything downtown in a proverbial fiery inferno, he then returned to the scene of his egregious crime, acting like he was the second coming of The Rock.
Cupping his hand to his ear as the Jazz arena’s fans booed heartily, Kanter ate up every second like it was a lifetime supply of Turkish Delight candy. So he definitely goes on this list. How could he not?
4. Bronco Mendenhall
Honestly, it’s amazing Bronco is so far down the list for the crap and stuff he’s caused BYU fans this season. Apparently it’s no big deal to shoot your resume out to anyone who will hire you–just ask Wisconsin. But then, to have the audacity to not only take a job at another school–while you’re still the head football coach at another school–and then steal 90 percent of your coaching staff and take them to Virginia too is almost too much for anyone to swallow.
Then, to make matters worse, this dude decides that yeah, he’ll coach the Las Vegas Bowl–a rivalry game between hated rivals BYU and Utah–when it’s abundantly clear nobody wants this clown within 5,000,000 miles of Sam Boyd Stadium or the BYU football team. To nobody’s surprise, his team–er, ex-team–lost to Utah, ending his time at BYU with a loss as he sat the sidelines as a lame duck coach. Serves him right. Out with the old, in with the new. Next!
3. Utah State forward David Collette
You know, it takes a lot of guts to abandon your team, period. But to do so two days before the season opener takes a special kind of stupid.
That person was Utah State forward David Collette, who apparently got butt hurt by some comments head coach Tim Duryea made during practice. Well, that and a teammate sucker punching another teammate in the back of the head. Hey, let’s play that stupid game Knockout! Sounds fun.
Well, Collette–who is up for a humanitarian award–got a little sensitive about it all. He asked for a transfer, shocking Duryea, who is now alleging the University of Utah–the team to which Collette is transferring–might have had improper contact with him.
Collette was then denied his request to transfer by Utah State, setting off a storm of controversy when he took his issues to ESPN, Yahoo! Sports and any other media source that was not local and was still willing to listen.
They all were, leading to some juicy quotes from Collette about the state of Utah State’s program under Duryea and the inalienable human rights we all must abide by. If this guy sounds like the dude who picked his nose in the back of your class and got punched out on a weekly basis, exactly.
2. The PR guy who thought Caucasian Heritage Night was a good idea
You can imagine the conversation in some dimly lit back room between executive suits and juniors wearing polos with the Orem Owlz name emblazoned on them.
What if we had a night celebrating the best in white people? You know, totally tongue in cheek. Know any stereotypes? Yeah, we’ll serve mayonnaise sandwiches on white bread and hold a vertical jumping contest. Yeah, great idea! Let’s do it!
What on EARTH was this guy and the Orem Owlz thinking? Were they all drinking red Solo Cups filled with Kool-Aid spiked with 120 proof liquor? Sure, they were a rookie league baseball team and this kid was fresh out of a community college back East.
But, being a stupid kid is really no excuse when you think about how far this completely whacked out idea got past upper management and into the hands of the media, who–naturally–freaked the crap out like any normal person would when they all read the press release.
1. The Utah sports media mocking Trey Burke and the Golden State Warriors
Unfortunately for these tools, they’re all still employed gainfully. Whether they should be is up for discussion. Sure, Trey Burke’s pics of his D left him open for public mockery because he put them up on Twitter himself. It wasn’t like some geek at 4Chan snagged his pics from the cloud and posted them. If you tick off your girl, you get what you get, sadly.
But these clowns took their game to the HNL (whole ‘nother level) like that character with the wild, crazy afro that Keegan Michael-Key portrayed. On a slow news day they completely blew a stupid tweet out of proportion, making a bad joke about Burke’s future shooting percentage. They made snide comments. They posted video of him taking bad shots when he was at Michigan.
Burke was trying to make amends for his uh, D pic and mocking a handicapped kid, so he didn’t take kindly to the hacks chopping at him, so he made fools of these Jazz clowns on Twitter–enough to warrant most of them issuing a public apology.
Lest you think these clowns were the tops, there was one guy, one moron blogger named Ben Dowsett who went above and beyond the call of duty–to the Utah Jazz, that is–to bring home Moron of the Year. Frankly, he might be the Moron of the Decade for thinking he can live tweet off-the-record information from the Golden State Warriors locker room and refuse to apologize for his mistake.
It’s one thing to tweet a quote you receive from a player following an interview, but to be butt hurt because a Warriors player says something you, Utah Jazz blogger don’t like, is not only stupid, it’s unprofessional.
Do your job reporting biased information on your team and nobody gets hurt. You still look like a fool taking on one side on the story, but it is what it is. In this case, the only person who got pawned was this clown Dowsett who got mocked on Twitter by Warriors forward Draymond Green and Steph Curry. That Dowsett is keeping his media credentials to this day is an insult to any reporter covering the NBA.