Taking a date to a funeral sounds rather odd because… it is rather odd. Funerals are a significant part of life, being the ultimate end that all are required to attend. So saying a funeral-date is odd may be true, but it is often inevitable. If dating applies to spouses, which it most certainly does, you are going to be together at many funerals. Yes, you will be attending many funeral dates.
The question arises, do you take a non-spouse to a funeral. The answer lies in three factors. How well do you know your date? A funeral first-date will not likely go over well for anyone involved. The date will think you’re morbid, the mourners will think you are nuts and you may be ostracized to keep you from bringing anymore strangers to funerals.
Next, how well does your date know the decedent’s family? It may be awkward when going through the receiving line to convey condolences while you attempt an introduction of your date. Obviously, if the mourners know your date there is no issue. Even if they just know you have been dating someone for awhile, they will likely welcome the gesture. But again, a first date where no one knows anybody doesn’t cut it. If you don’t heed the advice to avoid a funeral first-date, at least don’t stop and talk to the mourners beyond expressing your condolences. Now is not the time or place to make introductions to your new acquaintance. A funeral is all about the family and the person who died, not your social life.
Finally, how well do you and your date handle funerals? Some folks have a true aversion to funerals. They never feel comfortable, they don’t know what to say, and they might even choke up or cry at the thought of death, even when they didn’t know the person.
You should always ask your date if they would be okay accompanying you to a funeral and not be pushy about your request. Interestingly, their response may tell you something about their compassion or lack there of. If they insist that they want to be by your side, that’s a good thing. That’s showing compassion. If they carry on about not doing well with death and funerals, respect that feeling. If they say that they would rather watch a show on television or hang with friends while you attend, that may be a red flag indicating a lack of support and compassion. The whole point is to make sure you, your date and the mourners are comfortable with the decision as to taking a date to a funeral or going it alone.
Probably the most important aspect of the funeral date, or funerals in general, is that they offer a window into your own mortality, and the legacy you leave behind. Who hasn’t listened to a eulogy and thought about what they will say when they are gone. Perhaps a funeral helps some to better understand themselves, to live a bit more compassionately, and to make amends for past injustices. The funeral opens the door to many emotions and from this type of date hopefully you grow as a person. Then when it’s your turn, and that’s something everyone gets a shot at, maybe those who come to pay respects will speak kindly.
Such was the case at the funeral of Dr. Jeffrey Cooper – M.D. The sudden and untimely passing of this amazing guy saw an outpouring of praise, sympathy and the glory of his life. He was a wonderful family man – husband, father, brother, grandfather and uncle. He was a grand physician who truly cared for patients beyond just the medical issues. He was a friend to many. Not just a friend but a great friend. Everyone who spoke or wrote about his life seemed to all feel they were his best friend. Strive today so that when it is your turn, others will speak of you in glorious terms as well.
If you think the funeral date sounds odd, check out the blog at http://www.whoyoudating.com