So you’re single. You’re probably dating plenty of lames or seeing someone off and on but it hasn’t led to anything serious. You’re beyond frustrated and we aren’t just talking about with the outcomes. Yup you crave sex, mostly when you’ve got your eyes on someone of mutual interest. Not so much when you can’t stand the sight of anyone and there are no potentials. You’d like to be in a relationship committed to one person right now but the opportunity hasn’t presented itself. So what are your options?
Maybe you’ve been hooking up with your “go-to” person who gets the job done when you need it. There may or may not be a connection there and you haven’t a clue if it’ll ever lead to anything. Sometimes you feel empty afterwards and other times you feel on cloud 9 often able to re-focus on personal goals after you’ve eliminated that physical urge. But is it really benefiting us when we reward ourselves with immediate gratification?
Many people may tell you that the longer you go without relief the harder it is to overcome, this isn’t necessarily true. In fact, many that I’ve spoken with on this have agreed that many other aspects of their lives have improved as a result of personal integrity. Choosing to be celibate can greatly encourage self-discipline, not only in regarding sexual desires but learning restraint of other internal desires such as binge eating or shopping. Learning this type of self-control can make a huge difference once mastered.
“I don’t need to be celibate. I’m not religious and I only have one partner.” Choosing celibacy isn’t directly linked to religious affiliations or standards although that is where most reasoning derives from. In sports, many coaches would put their team members on a “no sex” rule the night or day before a big game so as not to get them mentally off track from the goal at hand. Maybe you are working towards something…school, career advancement, a new fitness regimen…and you’ve been getting side tracked. Calls for happy hour, splurging on new wardrobe items rather than enrolling in a course, the 4 for $4 deal at your favorite take out spot. All of these things are things that throw you off track but are sources of immediate gratification. With self-discipline applied, many of these things would not be an issue.
As far as having only one partner…kudos! Does your partner have only one partner as well? Unless this has been confirmed you are opening yourself up to a bowl full of risks. Especially while not in a committed relationship. Monogamy does simplify a lot of issues in the bedroom when you’re single but it hasn’t been proven to be realistic to ask of someone who isn’t ready to commit to you. Ask yourself if an hour in the sack is causing imbalance in your life in other ways. Do you lose focus at work because of the things you worry about with your sexual partner? Do you find yourself in a sedated state the entire next day after your romp, unable to be productive and focus on your weekend tasks?
Celibacy isn’t for everyone, but it does have its benefits. There are great benefits to sex as well for mental as well as physical health, but when sex is toying with both states of your well-being, it may be time to reconsider if this is something to be engaged in for this time of your life. It doesn’t have to be long term. Maybe a break is an option though to become a better you. In any case, make sure you know what celibacy may mean for you and enlist the support of friends who will encourage your choice.
Carla Ashley is a dating advisor based out of New York City. You can connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and her Facebook Page.