How can we avoid unnecessary drama in our lives? In three words, stop creating it. More often than not, we create our own drama during peaceful, calm stages in life. Why? It’s almost as if we strive for peace and happiness, yet when we’re living it, it’s not enough. One reason is that our egos are so accustomed to the inflation we receive during periods of drama — proving that we’re right; desire to control people or situations; or to feel justified in playing the victim to get attention. Another reason is that we are bored with our daily routines; we feel restless with the status quo; or we are just addicted to excitement. These all happen when we unleashed the ego to operate under direct influence of external events, rather than directing it via the world within, better known as our higher selves.
The best way to become aware of an “ego making drama” is to recognize and acknowledge it. Don’t wait until it’s too late to rein it in. How do we do this? First, remember that your ego is only a tool. It’s there for you to perform practical tasks. Awareness is nothing more than being conscious of this fact, therefore enabling you to detach from pre-programmed thoughts and emotions so you can observe your actions. Once you can observe your actions, in the present moment as they occur, you’re able to respond from your higher-self, rather than react from a false, ego base. Second, there are times in life when we wake up happy and refreshed only to be floored by the imaginary “ifs”. Remember, being aware of the imaginary “ifs” in our lives takes us one step closer towards living in reality.
If you relate to this, and at times we all do, it means your ego is quickly bored by peace; irritated by calmness; frustrated with stillness. This is because you’ve trained yourself to be in a constant state of worry, fear and thoughts of competition. Who really wants to be obsessing and arguing over things or what others think, for weeks on end? Truly — no one. Yet this very fight is re-hashed over “cups of tea or coffee” thousands of times a day, across the world.
How do we let such issues consume our lives? The ego is very clever at making mountains out of molehills; it is, in fact, the ego’s favorite sport. We can take the opportunity to train our egos to enjoy peace, to love calmness, to embrace stillness, and to happily accept what is true and not imaginary. Once we do this, out comes creativity, synchronicity with the universe and endless opportunities to occupy the ego in a way that aligns ourselves towards happiness. Then we find ourselves much more equipped to embark on journey towards opening up our mind to peace and calm – instead of a space that became crowded and blocked by other people’s rubbish.
Each time your mind turns to worry, fear or an “if”, you’re dealing with self-made drama and manifesting additional suffering the more you focus on it. Your only lesson is to stop. Because without self-made dramas, life floats to the tune of the universe, and it’s this tune that miracles and magic are made of.
Here are a few tips on how you can minimize, even stop, your self-made dramas.
1. Recognize when you might be creating drama. If there’s drama in multiple areas of your life, be honest with yourself—you’re the constant. Are you creating it? We don’t do anything repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what’s the payoff? Are you looking for attention or excitement? Did you grow up with drama and you feel best when there’s some around you?
Now aim to find alternative solutions. If you’re looking for attention, can you get it more directly? If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life?
2. Change your perspective. A lot of the drama takes place in our own heads, and it’s usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognize it isn’t as dire as it seems.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by a situation, step back and realize this feeling isn’t permanent—nothing is. Then focus on action steps—on the things you can control. What can you today to proactively create a solution?
3. Don’t feed into other people’s drama. If someone repeatedly comes to you with catastrophes, give yourself a window of time when you’ll listen, and then take care of your own needs by walking away. Also, resist the urge to jump into a pity party. Oftentimes people calm themselves down when other people don’t validate their complaints. Focus on your breath. Your calming energy may even help them let go of their “ifs”.
4. Reconsider unhealthy relationships. Take an inventory of which people in your life leave you feeling stressed and unhappy more often than not. If you don’t want to completely remove a toxic relationship, minimize the time you spend together. If you don’t want to change how often you see each other, recognize drama triggers. When the conversation moves toward her horrible relationships, steer it somewhere else.
5. Be clear and straight with other people. A lot of drama comes from poor communication and confusion. Eliminate it by finding the courage to say exactly what you mean. It may be harder in the moment, but it can save a lot of heartache in the long run. On the flip side, if someone thinks they need to walk on eggshells around you, they’ll likely hold things in—but they will come out eventually, if not in words, in resentful actions.
6. Be slow to label something as “drama”. Sometimes what we’re labeling as drama is just someone who really needs us. Instead of expelling mental energy by judging the situation as good or bad, focus on being there and being a friend in the moment. Then be a friend to yourself and let the drama go when you walk away. A lot of the drama we experience in life comes from our interpretations of the things we experience—particularly after the moments have passed.
7. Learn from the drama. Sometimes it seems like drama happens to us, and we’re powerless to remove ourselves from the cause. Another perspective is that every time we find ourselves immersed in something that seems overwhelming, we have an opportunity to learn how to deal with challenges better.
Life will always involve mini fires of drama. However, if we can learn not to fan them, they may actually be able to light our way towards living a life of peace, calm and tranquility.
To your success