How do you know when it’s time to split up with a friend? It’s not something that one can often discuss or get advice about in a gossip column, but sometimes going to the internet can help ease the burden. Just today, a woman posted a question about a friend of her who is never grateful for what she has in life. Does this sound like a friend you know? Is it time to end your friendship?
She might have married relatively young, while you are still not married into your 30s or even 40s. Unless you have other things in common, the longer you are in a different lifestyle, the greater the difference between you. She complains about her husband and you’re confused as to the cause of her resentment. She has a husband, right? Does she not understand how lucky she is?
She has children and you don’t. It’s even more of a rub when she is married. She’s worried about first words and first time walking, while you are worried about your career or even buying a house or condo by yourself. If she is single and raising a child by herself, you can both complain about men together. But having a child can often make dating even more difficult.
Facebook often makes all of these things even worse. The woman with the children and husband often posts photos of major life achievements of her family, a family you don’t have. If this isn’t something you chose, then it can be almost hurtful to watch a friend express she is pregnant again on Facebook, sharing ultrasound images of her growing fetus, or posting pictures of her pregnant belly.
It’s even worse after a failed round of in-vitro fertilization. And it’s devastating when she complains how it was so hard for her to have 3 children through in-vitro fertilization and you have just found out that you will never be able to carry a pregnancy after a surgery that was supposed to fix everything. Meanwhile, she is jealous of her own sister who has been able to have children easily.
Celestine Chua of the website Personal Excellence offered a few reasons that indicate it’s time to end a friendship.
- When the friendship is causing you more anguish than joy
- When he/she is putting in little to no effort in the relationship.
- When the same situation/issue keeps recurring even though you tried addressing it.
- When your fundamental values and beliefs are different.
- When the friendship is preventing either of you from growing as individuals.
Finally, friendships don’t have to have a big ending like a romantic relationship. Perhaps that can be the case with a close friendship where you have to end it explicitly. Other times, a friendship naturally fades over time like a wave that has already crested and all that’s left to do is to ride it out to shore. And that’s precisely what this woman should do. Let it ride out.