It’s not only a matter for people to set their own boundaries to protect their energy and person, but it is a matter of people just minding their own business and boundaries. There is a large part of the population being raised to think everything should be and is there to have and to hold just because they so. All because they are being raised by a generation of people who believe themselves to be victims even though it is themselves who is doing the victimizing to others.
Someone may be meek, the thing you want to take may be easy to steal, but everything is not yours for the taking. The idea is to keep your hands off of other people and their belonging along with your mouth. This minding your own boundaries goes along with what you are taught in kindergarten. In this day and age people think they are justified in walking in all over other people. It’s that “me generation.”
No you cant pet my dog and why are you mad because I said your child shouldn’t? No you shouldn’t just walk up to a pregnant woman and feel free to invade her space and touch her stomach. Instead of by default blaming the meek person for not sticking up for themselves why not instead don’t you take the responsibility to not go there in the first place. Your hands belong on your lap not mine.
Your mouth is not allowed to intimidate the person at the checkout just because you feel you have waited in line too long. People are overstepping their boundaries all over the place. Simple etiquette has gone right out the window. Fights are breaking out all over the place because people feel entitled to it.
Just because you or your child can see it does not mean it is yours. If simple “germ etiquette” is important then by all means so is the other. A great deal of misbehaving teachers have to deal with could be knocked out if this simple rule was being taught at home. The rule used to be when in doubt keep your hands to yourself but people skip that thought altogether and instead go for it.
If you are minding your own business to begin with those other things and people are not within your reach. It’s a matter of personal space and you are breaking into it. It doesn’t take money to have manners just grace. I asked around to see how people feel about this spoiled behavior of self indulgence. One woman I talked to believe the times like these to stem from feminism. The simple gesture of opening the door for someone, especially if she is female can get you the worst sneer.
Genteelness and tenderness where have they gone? A calm personality is often associated with weakness and being fragile. If you grew up in a household with yelling parents the importance of editing yourself is left out. Today children grow up with overscheduling by demanding, ambitious parents. How does such a child obtain peace. Too much demand and hurry can wreck engaging in calm direction coming from within.
“If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them. –F. Scott Fitgerald. Tender is the Night & The Last Tycoon.
Value people and value what you have. If it is yours and you take pride it in would you abuse it? You would be more apt to take care of it and use it preciously. In this day and age things are bought at the speed of sound only to be heaped in the pile with all of the other things bought just because you could. Your outer self should honor and respect this. The only real conflict you have with any one is the one you will have with your own self after all.
“Leave your pride, narcissism and ego somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your child’s most primitive fears.” -Henry Cloud. Like ducklings learn behavior from mama duck, behaviors are learned. Monkeys do what monkeys see.
Tolerance is patience with boundaries. You cannot teach your child by words alone. When your child sees you practicing and doing the boundary they remember them and make them a part of their reality. Teaching moments for children happen when the parents make the rule. The child is going to break that rule again and again before they learn what is taught to them and that rule turns into reality and internal structure.
In the sixties boundaries were an important part of everyone’s structure and the natural thing to do. People also stayed married longer and people weren’t having children unless they were married. Only 2.5 percent of the children then were born out of wedlock. “Every marriage is composed of walls and windows. The windows are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the world-that is, the necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends; the walls are the barriers of trust behind which you guard the most intimate secrets of your marriage.” Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.
Let’s face it some people have a problem knowing where they end and begin for a variety of reasons. A wall or boundary is not meant to be two-faced but it is a requirement of any healthy relationship. Just as God did not invent religions to separate us from each other where there are no boundaries confidence and certainty is vague. “Ego and narcissism is not about confidence- it is about the divine part of ourselves.” -Janet Rebhan, Learn To Be Still.