Good day, Kansas City! Every Thursday on byteclay.com you’ll find responses from Teddy Love to questions about dating, love, and relationships from readers –we call it the “Ask Teddy” column. So let’s get started and hear what’s on the minds of readers here in Kansas City.
I’ve joined a few of these dating sites and always get replies from guys. What I’m finding is the problem of when to focus on one, or how many to reply with at a time. It seems I’m either over doing it or putting all my eggs in one basket?
This is a topic that Teddy Love deals with a lot as a dating coach. So here are some things to consider. You see, online sites are like a supermarket for dating and you should only put as much in your basket as you can handle at once. I recommend making a “shopping list” of traits you want and after you find 4 or 5 people that match the items on your list, then invest your energy in meeting and getting to know them to find out if they fit into your friend, get-rid-of, or keep dating files. Often times people spend time trying to get to know people by text or over the phone– we’ve got to stop that! We learn people best by spending time in person. After a few messages and a good conversation, meet the person to learn who they are face to face. The decision about when to narrow to just one is on you, but I will say dating is meant to be the time for you to meet and get to know lots of people so have fun with it!
My grandparents took me in at an early age and have basically been my parents for my whole life. Three years ago my grandpa passed and since then, I’ve been all my grandma has. We go to church together, watch movies, take trips and we live together, so our lives are very intermingled. About a year ago I met a gal that I’m super in love with. Her situation isn’t ideal but it works for us. In my 39 years on earth I’ve never been in love til now. She lives with her son and ex-husband. My grandma hates our relationship and the living situation my girl has. She also hates that I spend so much time with her and she feels alone. At times I’m torn and feel as if I owe it to my grandma to be here for her and at the same time I know where I want to be. How should I handle this I mean its almost like I’m going to have to break someones heart. mine or grandma.
Well you brought church into this, so lets start there. Eph 5:25 says, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” So in order to be a good husband, you give up things and sometimes people you had before– and you treat your spouse as Christ on earth. To take it a step further, since we are on the subject of treating our spouses like our Jesus on earth, here’s what Jesus had to say: “If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower. You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters—even more than your own life!” Now to finish up, I don’t know your grandmother’s age but she’s got to find a life. It’s great to be close to family and friends, but the pecking order on earth should be lover first, then kids and then the rest. So get out there and live your life. After all, you only get one shot at life and you don’t need an approval stamp from anyone to validate your happiness (thank goodness)! Happiness is yours for the taking. Just think, if you lose out on what you want or what makes you happy because of your grandma, you’ll always harbor disdain and resentment in your heart for her. That’s not how you want to feel towards your beloved grandma, so you’ve got to trust that she’ll get over the loneliness and find others to hangout with on her own.
If you’d like to submit questions to Dr. Teddy Love for this segment, email them to firstname.lastname@example.org.