This article might seem like it’s coming late, being posted on the morning of Valentine’s Day. It’s not late, but rather, just in time. That tiny minority of guys who know they are doing took care of this days, even weeks, ago. The ones who need help are just starting to think about it. Now that we have our audience, here are some ideas about what to do and not do.
DO NOT
Buy roses
Nothing says “dumb, pathetic guy” like buying roses on Valentine’s Day. She knows how much you overpaid for them, in contrast to how hard you negotiated when you bought your car. Today, the florist is a mugger and you walked down that dark alley, wallet out, hoping to stay out of trouble. She will appreciate the thought, because she is nice, but roses have connotations for women that men cannot understand. If you wouldn’t buy them, at a fair price, on some other day, do not buy them at Ridiculous Price today.
What could be worse than buying roses? There is probably one thing.
Buy lingerie
Really? What did you have in mind? Comfortable plain briefs that she can wear under most outfits and a bra that doesn’t pinch? That’s what she wants.
Playing dress-up is fun for everyone, and if she really likes you then she wants to wear what you want to see her wearing, for a little while, but that is a decision that you make together. The frilly undies make her feel good, make her feel sexy, so you talk about what you both like. The fun stuff is expensive so she probably wouldn’t mind you helping, but again, you talk about it and figure out it as a couple. When it comes to that, make sure that she knows that you like the wrapping but find the gift irresistible.
With lingerie, there is no illusion that the lace and sheer are for her. They are for you. Besides all of that, guys are forever walking into lingerie stores with no idea of what size to buy, and isn’t it amazing how every woman is the same size as the sales associate? A man would never, ever walk into Home Depot without a written plan for exactly what size and exactly how many of anything that he needed, but he will walk into Victoria’s Secret or Lane Bryant without a clue. If you are close enough to buy her underwear then you are close enough to know what to buy.
Don’t surprise or embarrass her, either. Yes, it works great in the movies, where everyone is beautiful and eloquent and perfect. In the real world, where love is imperfect but still good, where it includes hearts and hugs but also warts and farts and all things real, anything that shocks a woman creates a problem instead of an opportunity. Put in Guy Terms, the fact that you can cook a steak on the grill in 20 minutes on Medium does not mean that you can get the same results from 10 minutes on High. No shocks, no surprises, no movie tactics on Valentine’s Day. Those things are fun but they are not real.
DO
Instead of that nonsense, there are a few things that you can and should do. They start, first and most importantly, with asking her what she wants, what she likes, what she hopes will happen. When you do that, you are showing respect and consideration and you are getting a few good ideas. From those, take the initiative and pick one, or two, or make your own combination, then tell her the plan in time for her to gently veto it if she doesn’t like it. She might have been dropping hints for awhile, so think back. Think hard. Was there something that she had wanted to do in the past but it didn’t happen for some reason but now it can? If so, that right there is your plan for Valentine’s Day. Be a man and take the lead, but lead her to a place where she wants to go. She’s telling you where that is, so listen and get it right.
Any plan is going to involve buying her a card. The selection has been picked over pretty well by now and there will be a bunch of other desperate guys searching all of the cards for – something – they don’t know what. The best way to pick a card is to start by looking at the ones with only a few left. They are the ones that probably aren’t horrible. If that little box is full of cards at this point today, those cards are not worth your time.
Whatever you pick, find something that is modest, something that she can put on her wall at work or show to her father. The sexy stuff is intimate, is just between the two of you, so keep it that way. Make her feel comfortable and appreciated and all of the good stuff comes from there.
