You did not see the whack coming. These pathological people who stab you in the back while they are looking at you, and smiling are exceptionally accurate because they are using everything you have against you. They should know they have been pretending to be your friend, co-worker or even a lover all the while they are building up their evidences to destroy you or keep things from you. Betrayal is a nasty double-edged sword. Back-stabbing is deliberate and secretive. It is often done right under your nose, hence the name.
The idea of a genuine connection is all but a superficial one. They are quick to point the finger at others; they are even quicker to blame you. Direct emotional contact does not exist in the pathological realm of the back-stabber. Their friends, lovers, business partners, kids, family, all carry the same energy and not all of them are as good as hiding the negative vibe. The fact that you feel a need to ask someone they have in their company why they acted out or said something negative or hurtful to you, is another big red flag.
“Back stabbers and betrayers occupy a special place in hell, the ninth and final circle: mere fraudsters dwell in the eighth.” -Dante’s Inferno.
- Be friendly to all but do not draw them into your personal circle. Someone who is gentle, kind and considerate will be like you and take their time in getting to know you and make friends. The back-stabber moves in quick to be by your side and they come bearing gifts.
- Shadiness, remember that lie they told you when you first met them, there is more where that comes from, do not pass go do not even think you will collect $200.
- Evaluate the damage being done and do damage control. What is it they want from you, what is it they are gossiping for behind your back. Neighbors, co-workers, friends, bosses are all giving you signs in their conversations it is taking place. Take note, mark it as a red flag.
- No you are not imagining things or being over sensitive. If it smells of venom and poison, it is. Let go.
- The thing is you want to be true to everyone, the fact is not everyone is worthy of your loving kindness, trust, devotion, respect and friendship. That may be a jagged little pill to swallow but it is one of the things they do not tell you in Sunday school. It has to be earned.
- These kinds of people are acting on hate, jealousy, boredom, past habits, pathological generational intentions that get learned and handed down, they are talking to everyone that knows you to sway them against you.
- Damage is done, focus on moving forward. There is no reason to stay any longer than you were welcome in the first place. When people are talking and doing damage behind your back, you have to wonder about the people who are listening to it.
If you are walking the good walk and fighting the good fight people know this about you. If you are living in a way that is consistent to the person you are, the back-stabber will be found out.
- They are only happy when you let them win at everything or they are able to one-up on you.
- The third red flag-They are extremely vengeful of what they perceive as the slightest slight.
- They take pleasure in your pain.
- They are saying nasty things about you when you are not around.
- They take advantage of you or your work situation.
- Number two red flag-People act cold to you for no reason.
- They do not want the best for you. Actions not their words are what to look for here.
- Setting you up.
- They do not miss you and they are not happy to see you.
- They spread lies to sabotage.
- They take advantage of you.
- Using excuses to avoid you.
- Blaming you.
- Insincere compliments that feel like they just back-handed you.
- The fourth red flag- False rumors. The rumor mill is only in place for one reason to mislead, to deceive and to hurt.
- They agree with you when you are alone but agree with others in a group or other people.
- Number one red flag-You tell them a secret and they tell everyone about it. If they keep repeating what you say in private or confide in them. End all contact.
- They forget things or important dates that are important to you.
The number one point is, as long as you keep being involved with this person you are inviting their abuse. You need to ask yourself why you aren’t respecting yourself and sever the connection. Do not go one step closer or nearer anything that resembles involvement or relationship. If you respect and honor yourself you will not be involved with someone who bullys, gossips or stabs you in the back. Staying involved with a friend like this, who need enemies, goes the old saying.
19. They know your fears, your dreams and wishes, fears and passions, weaknesses and they use them against you. That is not someone who is in support of you, and who is there for you.
Learned helplessness, no victim wants to hear they need to stop playing the victim, because they really feel they are being victimized. This is usually true at the time of crisis too, but chalk it up as experience and a lesson learned. Your trust is priceless. Your self-esteem may be low or just appear to be. Love yourself. Back stabbers have their own insecurities and vulnerabilities, and these are often reflected in the people nearest to them, and they go after them like a barracuda. Don’t waste time thinking your boss or landlord will do something about it. Talk to them and if they decide to take action then good, but don’t let it be the only action you take in stopping the damage being done.
Set your boundaries and stick to them. What’s the worst thing that will happen in you continue to be involved, more abuse-shaming, intimidation, constant criticism and manipulation. They are trying to hold you back, they want you “stuck,” in it with them and it pathologically stagnates your life as you know it.
What is the worst thing that will happen when you cut them out of your life? Freedom, standing in your own truth is breathtaking. Being free to grow to be who you want to be and to do what you want to do and what you need to do for your self is imperative in life.
The backstabber personality, someone who enjoys stirring up trouble for a person who is unawares. The love the drama of the territory. Telling people that you are a good-for-nothing when you are not around and watching people go at your throat for minor mistakes and weaknesses. They are full of compliments and overly eager to be your friend. They will tell you that you are the guilty one when you confront them. They long to do damage to your reputation with their twist on the truth. They pretend in your presence to only want the best for you.
20. They are deeply unhappy, jealous, envious and pathological.